It dawned on me-

Wow... haven't written since August- hmm... well that's a bit unfortunate. I've always found writing to be a worthwhile outlet, have I really not felt something Powerful enough to warrant reflection in the past 2 months? What is happening here?!

I feel like I have been consumed in routine the past few months- I caution to use the word rut because of the negative connotation it carries, but now that I think about it, I guess you could say the past little while has been rather rut-like. It's odd really; the Pep-in-my-step, the swelling of my Heart, the embrace of the Here & Now feel at times as though they've slipped away. I didn't even notice the vacancy until I felt my Heart swell today & finally realized that these feelings had somehow retreated-

Now just to clarify, I'm not saying that I've been in a horrible depression for the last 2 months (I've got much to feel blessed about!), but I definitely haven't had the same appreciation, or is it understanding, for Life & the World as I did not too long ago. So what happened? I caught myself thinking about it today and it made me frustrated- "Why should I have to work to feel enlightened", to which my subconscious, ever the devils-advocate, piped up "Why shouldn't you have to work?!".

Hmmm... now that's a novel idea. Perhaps I had begun to take things for granted; to disregard the appreciation for the small moments of the day to day and simply expect to feel like I was walking on Cloud 9. There's people all over the World who dedicate their Lives to pausing and appreciating the beauty of our World and the energy that Life brings- look at Buddhist monks for example- why did I feel that it should come naturally to me without any thought? Did I become too comfortable in the feeling? Did I lose myself in the pettiness of the daily "grind"? I don't have an answer, but I do think I've recognized that I cannot simply expect to be Joyful and exuberant day in and day out, it takes Awareness, Effort, Appreciation- In one word, it takes Mindfulness.

My mind is swimming with a flurry of aspirations, reflections, dreams, thoughts and goals. There's too much flying around in there right now for me to sort out what's what and what goes where, but I think it would serve me well, on my continual path to self-discovery, if I started blogging again and actually acknowledging all that racket "up there". It sounds silly, but reading passages from Lao Tzu's "Tao Te Ching", really help put things in perspective for me; the significant from the trivial, the Wei from the "way". I've written it before and I'll write it again: only I have the ability to change my perspective. Turn the funk, into the funky (hey, I like that!) :)

And with that, I'll wrap-up this entry with a promise to myself to make the effort to regain those feelings that made me feel so inexplicably Wonderful. There's much Pondering and reflection to be done-