It struck me that although my Mom's house will forever be my "forever home", it's just not the same as when I once lived there.
So what do I mean by "forever home"?
Well, I mean it in the sense that wherever one's parents happen to be living (especially if it's the house you grew up in), you will always be welcome to visit, lounge about, eat whatever and generally make yourself at home as you would normally do in your own house or apartment.
It's especially surreal for me because despite my encouragement to revamp my old bedroom, my Mom has kept it exactly as I left it when I had initially moved to Toronto. Granted, she's taken over a tiny corner for her "grow-op" as so many of my friends like to call it (in actuality it's her seedling habitat), but for the most part, nothing has changed.
This brings back memories of good times spent in that house; in that room, where all my things (and me) used to live. However, dawning on the 2 year anniversary since I left Ottawa and my Mom's house, it just doesn't seem the same as it did before... it's hard to explain...
I can remember during my 1st year of living in Toronto, whenever I'd go back to Ottawa for a weekend my Mom would yell at me to "clean my bathroom" (meaning the bathroom in the basement where my bedroom is)
or to "scoop the kitty litter" (referring to the one used byher two cats)... It was different this time... It was like I had actually, truly, really left and that she'd acknowledged it and accepted that the state of the basement was no longer my responsibility... I don't live there anymore and haven't for the past 2 years. It was strange...
It made me want to help out around the house even more than I had when I lived there. It's just my Mom, my slobby 17 year old brother (God love him) and 4 forever shedding animals that live there now- It's alot of work for one person and I realized that my Mom harassing me to clean certain things in the past was not because she actually thought it was my responsibility to clean it, but rather that it was just too much for one person to do.
It's strange and surreal and scary for me to analyze the current status of my life and pinpoint the monumental changes that have taken place in the past 2 years. Ottawa will forever be my "forever home"; it's where I was born, raised and spent the first 21 years of my life. It's where my parents, my Grandfather and my family pets live- but in the same breath, Toronto is my home as well. My new home...
I don't know, it just felt different to me this time and it was strange. But I guess we've all got to grow up and move on at some point.
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